First step towards addressing internal angst: Hit the gym, sweat it out, think it over. So I bobbed my way through 4,328 elliptical strides, 38 minutes of inordinate rage. One question rang in my oxygen-deprived brain. Why egg my car? Five sedans are routinely parked in a private lot behind my apartment building. None of them are fancy or expensive. Why egg my blue Corolla?
Possible reason #1: Beef
Do I have beef with people? This is intriguing; I don't know anyone in this city.
Possible reason #2: Metaphysical
Some crazy fucker realized that the world didn't fit. Nothing made sense, people were suffering, existence, causality, truth collided and converged into glorious and terrifying reality. The unapologetic chaos that rang throughout the universe made this fucker profoundly uneasy--but somehow it would be more right if there were eggshit on my car. That's why he did it.
Possible reason #3: Senseless act of vandalism
This seems most likely. Some juvey dipshit thought he'd have fun on a Saturday night, and sad as I am to admit it, I was probably the only one who stayed in all weekend. See #1.
Having settled on #3, I sorted through the candidates for juvey dipshit of the week. Two possibilities: a broad category of unknown miscreants, or the 'troubled' kid who lives across the hall. I hatched a plan to disciminate between the two, and thus began phase two of my quest for blazing vengeance.
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